I was never the marrying kind. Or so I thought. I wanted to experience life in as many ways as possible, and I thought marriage would clip my wings.  And it certainly can.

In the movie, A Good Woman, Mrs. Erlynne said that being married was like being shut up in a room that got smaller every year. We’ve all seen relationships like that, haven’t we?

But it doesn’t have to be that way. I’ve learned that marriage can actually expand my world.

My own marriage and my clients have taught me that the key to healthy relationships is growth.

A committed relationship homes in on our sensitive spots like a laser. That’s darned uncomfortable. Our natural tendency is look the other way, or lash out at our partners in anger. But that laser is actually an engraved invitation to grow as a person, if we can find the courage to accept it. The answers to many of our hard relationship questions are actually found in increased self-understanding and emotional strength.

When we commit to this kind of growth, we find the intimacy that makes a marriage deeply satisfying.

We also find the security and support that encourages us to expand our possibilities. Life is good!

That’s why I decided to make marriage counseling the focus of my work. During my 18-year career, I've helped people recover from depression and anxiety, stop a divorce, and answer their toughest relationship questions.  I've also found homes for foster children, counseled abused women, and mediated parenting agreements between divorced parents.

I've found that my heart is in helping people strengthen the most important relationship in their lives-their marriage.

I don’t have to tell you it’s not easy. Our ability to believe in ourselves and in our partners can get worn down by our jobs, our children, and just the pace of everyday living. It happens to me all the time. I have a husband working in technology, who has his own dreams, goals, and challenges; a ten-year-old stepdaughter; and a counseling and training business. Just like everyone else, I have to work for my healthy relationship every day.

We all have times when we find ourselves asking hard relationship questions that seem to have no answers. If you worry you are losing yourself as an individual, if you think you are headed down the wrong path and want to stop a divorce before it happens, or if you just have relationship questions you really need answers to, I encourage you to take action.

Every now and then we can all use an outside perspective and some new tools.