What happened to the sexual revolution, anyway? I know a lot of my male clients feel like the sexual temperature at home feels a lot more like the 50’s than the 70’s.
As a marriage counselor, I have bird’s eye view of this phenomenon, so I thought I’d offer up my observations. After all, both men and women tell me their sexual problems all day long. (O.K., they do talk about other things, too!) A lot of people, and that includes therapists, make the mistake of thinking that all you need for good sex is love.
For too many married women, their sex life can best be described as a sad stalemate. Which is not at all what they signed up for. As one of my marriage counseling clients put it, “I did not get married to fight about sex for 40 years.”
Nor did you aspire to feel like co-CEO’s of your household. But a lot of couples do. Without a sexual connection, life together can feel like a lot of work. Conflicts cut deeper. When you feel sexually fulfilled, it’s easier to let things go. Whether the garbage got taken out or not just isn’t as important as the closeness you feel.
The usual story goes that women just don’t want sex any more after a certain number of years of marriage. But I don’t think that’s true. It’s just that married women wind up with a cocktail of pressures and disappointments that do a number on their desire.
If this sounds like you,
Sex after marriage. Does it exist? Yes, but sometimes you have to look hard to find it!
Most experts say married couples don’t have enough sex because of the pace of modern life. Or because they have small children in the house. Or because of communication problems and resentments that have built up over the years. All true. What married couple doesn’t struggle with these challenges?