All posts in Sex and Romance

Is Your Bedroom Anti-Romantic?

13253168_s Does romance have a fighting chance in today’s family life? You stayed late at work because your boss is on the warpath. You came home to one kid who’s sick and another who needs help with homework. Your spouse is upset because the credit card bill is heading for the sky again. But, once everyone’s in bed and the dinner dishes are done, the haven of your bedroom awaits you, right? Or, is the light glaring, the T.V. blaring and the laundry piles the same ones that were staring at you last week? No wonder you have to go to a hotel to feel romantic! You probably have to go to a hotel just to decompress!

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Feeling Special-The Ultimate Aphrodisiac

3603562_s "He says it's been too long since we've made love. He says it's not healthy to go for so long like this. He's totally right," said Julie. "But I'm just not feeling the spark." She didn't have to tell me she wasn't feeling the spark. Her face very clearly showed that what she was feeling was...bored. Lana's husband told her that sex is a part of marriage. It's the only thing they do together that they can't do with anyone else, it's the thing that makes a marriage different from all other relationships. Lana could not agree more, she said, pulling a yawn. Now, we all know that sexual boredom is a hazard of a long-term relationship. But there was something else about these women I was picking up on. It just took me some thinking to put my finger on it.

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Could This Be Why Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex?

8248720_s I remember when I was young and single, and I listened to older people at work talk about their weekends. It was all about chores! I felt badly for them. I thought they were B-O-R-I-N-G. I was too naïve (or in denial?) to realize they were just in a different life stage—a life stage that lay in store for me, too. And I certainly had no idea what effect that life stage has on sex and romance. But now I know! Workloads, stress, sick kids, unresolved relationship issues—none of these are sexy.

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When Your Wife Longs for a Nap More Than She Longs for You, What Can You Do?

9911411_s "I feel kind of sad when I realize how long it's been since we had sex," said Shelley. "But honestly, after chasing after the kids all day, the sexiest thing I can think of is a nap." Shelley's the third woman this week to tell me about her longing for a nap! Sometimes it looks to me like there are hundreds of married women who would be just as happy to skip out on sex indefinitely. Or would they? The Rutgers University National Marriage Project did a study that found that wives who are happy with their sexual relationships have a 39% greater chance of being happily married. For men the difference is 38%. Not much of a difference and probably not what you'd expect.

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Men—Want Better Sex in Your Marriage? Be Seductive

What happened to the sexual revolution, anyway? I know a lot of my male clients feel like the sexual temperature at home feels a lot more like the 50’s than the 70’s.

As a marriage counselor, I have bird’s eye view of this phenomenon, so I thought I’d offer up my observations. After all, both men and women tell me their sexual problems all day long. (O.K., they do talk about other things, too!) A lot of people, and that includes therapists, make the mistake of thinking that all you need for good sex is love.

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Women — Want Better Sex in Your Marriage? Stay in the Game

For too many married women, their sex life can best be described as a sad stalemate. Which is not at all what they signed up for. As one of my marriage counseling clients put it, “I did not get married to fight about sex for 40 years.”

Nor did you aspire to feel like co-CEO’s of your household. But a lot of couples do. Without a sexual connection, life together can feel like a lot of work. Conflicts cut deeper. When you feel sexually fulfilled, it’s easier to let things go. Whether the garbage got taken out or not just isn’t as important as the closeness you feel.

The usual story goes that women just don’t want sex any more after a certain number of years of marriage. But I don’t think that’s true. It’s just that married women wind up with a cocktail of pressures and disappointments that do a number on their desire.

If this sounds like you,

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Let’s Talk About Sex

Sex after marriage. Does it exist? Yes, but sometimes you have to look hard to find it!

Most experts say married couples don’t have enough sex because of the pace of modern life. Or because they have small children in the house. Or because of communication problems and resentments that have built up over the years. All true. What married couple doesn’t struggle with these challenges?

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