My Counseling Approach
Sooner or later, everyone will hit a patch when they feel like their marriage is more than they bargained for. Or just disappointing. Most couples today, a happy marriage means more than a functioning household. They want to feel a high degree of emotional connection with their partner. They want to come home to someone who really understands and accepts them. And supports them in pursuing what is most important to them.
This is the kind of marriage I believe in. But I realize most people do not receive the kind of relationship help they need to get it. A higher degree of connection takes a higher degree of skills.
First, I find out what your goals are. I need to be sure I’m helping you move toward the goals that are really important to you. Talking with your partner about what you really want for your relationship is the first step to rebuilding your connection.
Then I coach you to communicate more effectively. I’ll show you small adjustments you can make in how you speak and listen. Small changes make a big difference your ability to feel close, understood, and loving.
I’ll ask you to take small steps. Learning happens most effectively when you are asked to stretch a little, but not too much all at once. I’ll ask you to do “spaced practice” in the form of regular homework assignments. To an extent, improving the way you relate to your partner is like changing any habit-it takes tools for remembering what you’re focusing on, and regular practice.
You’ll acquire tools to stop criticism, attacks and the silent treatment. When you’re confident your partner will consistently treat you with respect, the stress level in your home goes down, and you feel secure and relaxed again.
You’ll understand the key patterns you fall into that contribute to conflict and distance. You’ll leave counseling with tools to keep your relationship strong moving forward.
At some point, you’ll feel a natural momentum. This often happens about 6 weeks into counseling. You don’t have to focus so much on steps, because new ways of communicating feel comfortable and automatic. You’ve got some positive cycles going and you influence each other for the better.
You’ll enjoy being married again. You’ll want to turn to your partner, for support, relaxation and fun. Your relationship will give you energy again, not drain it away.
Now that you have a better idea about my approach and the results you can expect from working with me, next go to the Services page to learn about the specific services and programs I offer.