Years ago I read about a great way to figure out what your values really are. It's to ask yourself: "What would I tell my kids?" That'll clear up any confusion you have about what you think really fast. It can also show how you may be falling short of your own standards. Similarly, a good yardstick for how well you're treating your spouse is to ask yourself: "Would I do that if we were dating?" Sad, but true, our perspective on what is 'normal' behavior can change quite a bit after we say, "I do." Let's start with the small stuff. What do you do when you come home in the evening?
This month I want to raise a toast to everyone who has stepped up this year to take the tiger by the tail. The particular tiger I’m talking about is a relationship—a love relationship that somewhere along the way became a source of pain instead of a source of joy. You have to call upon a lot of courage to jump into the ring with that tiger. Because there are so many fears you have to go eye to eye with. First, you have to stop telling yourself everything is really fine. You have to take a long, honest look at your own unhappiness. Yes, it really is that bad. A lot of people feel a sense of failure at this point. After all, everyone else seems to be handling this marriage thing O.K. Of course, if you could see inside the people around you, you’d see they look a lot like you, struggling with the same frustrations.